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Text File | 1993-05-12 | 15.6 KB | 417 lines

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :: :: :: P r a c t i c a l J o k e s :: :: :: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Party Line ---------- Of all telephone pranks conceived, this perhaps is the most ingenuous, crafty, perplexing, bizzare and often hilarious. To execute this practical joke, a telephone with two eensions is required. The most easily adapted for this prank is the model with the buttons that are depressed to get a different line. (There is often a "Hold" button on these models as well.) By taking the telephone apart, the two lines can be connected so that two different outgoing calls can be connected so that two different outgoing calls can be placed at the saame time. (The details of how exactly to do this are going to be kept a secret. My intention is to amuse, not dismantle the nation's communications system.) Once the two lines are connected, you are ready to go. If you are working alone, you need only dial the first six numbers of one target's phone number, place it on hold, quickly dial the other target's number on the other line, then switch back and dial the seventh number of the first target's phone number. Then press down the buttons for both lines and listen to both phones ring. (Mechanical ingenuity can show you how this is possible.) If you are working with an accomplice, you can each dial on seperate extensions a different person at the same time, provided one of you has connected the two lines on his phone. Thus, you both dial your different numbers, and VIOLA, both phones at the other end begin to ring at the same time. Both persons who recieve the call think the other has phoned him or her. So, if one of you calls your mother and the other calls your father, both your parents will pick up the phone and ask why the other called. If a person has an answering machine at home, you can call him at work, while your accomplice calls your target's answering machine. The result is the bizzare experience of your target recieving a call from his own answering machine. You can connect old lovers, new lovers, students who cut class with their teachers, criminals with the police and any unlikely couple you deem fit. Remember, though, the persons you call can hear your voice on the line. You are essentially creating a conference call with your fiddling. See how practical these pran show how far this prank can be taken I offer the following true to life example, committed by two pranksters against an antagonist of theirs, here called Wanda... Wanda had just submitted her undergraduate thesis on barbecue (yes, a thesis on barbecue) to her professor, so John and Alan began by connecting Wanda to her teacher. ::::::::: "Hello," said the professor. "Hello," said Wanda. "Who are you calling?" asked the professor after a pause. "Who are YOU calling?" asked Wanda. "Lady, you called me," said the professor. "No, I didn't. You called me," siad Wanda. "I certainly didn't. My phone just rang." "So did mine." "There must be some problem. Where are you calling from?" "Hunter County," said Wanda. "That's where I am," said the professor. "I'm in Hattersville," said Wanda. "So am I." "I'm calling from Monroe College," said Wanda. "I'm at the faculty building in my office." There was a pause. "Professor Burns!" said Wanda. "Who's this?" asked Professor Burns. "Wanda Adams." "Why did you call me?" "I didn't. My phone rang. I thought you called me," said Wanda. "I didn't." Another pause. "You have my thesis, don't you??" asked Wanda. "Yess, but I haven't read it. I only got it yesterday." "Right. I didn't expect you would have. All right good-bye." "Good-Bye," said the professor. John and Alan called Wanda back, connecting her this time to a pizza parlor. "Hello," said Wanda. "Hello," said an employee at the pizza parlor. "Yes?" "Do you want to order?" asked the voice. "Order what?" asked Wanda. "Who do you want to speak to?" "Nobody. You called here. We're a pizza parlor." "You called ME," said Wnada. "No, I didn't. You called me. The phone rang." "So did mine," said Wanda. "Lady, we're a pizza parlor. We don't call people to see if they want to make an order." "Forget it. Good-Bye." Wanda hung up. This time John and Alan connected Wanda to the college switchboard. "Who is this?" asked Wanda in perplexed tones. "Monroe College switchboard. Can I help you?" said a woman. "Why did you call me?" asked Wanda. "Madam, you called me. Can I help you." "But my phone just rang. Why did you call?" "Madam, the college switchboard does not make outgoing calls." After connecting Wanda to Alcoholics Anonymous. John and Alan called her directly. "This is the telephone company calling," said Alan. "We understand that you're having some problems with your line." "Thank GOD! Yes," said Wanda, relieved. "We're also told that you're playing some sort of prank on persons in your calling area. Would you please stop this immediately?" "I'm not playing any prank, I keep getting calls from people who say they're not calling me." "All right, whatever. We're going to do some work on the line in your area. For a few minutes the wires will be exposed to the lineman on the job. So, if your phone rings, please don't pick it up, since that could cause the lineman to be electrocuted." "All right," said Wanda reluctantly. Then, as you no doubt have guessed, John and Alan called her back. (See "Reach Out and Torture Someone II or The Wichita Lineman Is Dead on the Line.") After failing to respond on several occasions, Wanda finally gave in and picked up the phone. "Aaaaiieeeeeee!" screeched Alan, in a highly realistic impersonation of a lineman being electrocuted. Wanda screamed and dropped the phone. After a few minutes, they called Wanda back. "This is the telephone comapny," said Alan. "Did you answer the phone?" "Yes," said Wanda weakly, "I thought--" "The lineman we told you about has been severely electrocuted." "Oh, no." "Oh, yes. We and lawyers will be in touch with you soon, you can be sure." Alan hung up. Next they connected Wanda with the REAL phone company. "Hello," said Wanda, tiring rapidly. "Hello," said a man at the phone company. "Who is this?" asked Wanda. "It's the phone company." "I'm so glad you called back. What's going on?" "Ma'am we didn't call you. You called us." "No, I didn't. My phone just rang. Aren't you calling about my broken phone?" "I'm sorry, ma'am, but we have no way of knowing a phone is broken unless a customer calls us." "But you just called me about the fellow being electrocuted." "I'm afraid we didn't," said the man, convinced he had some loony on the phone--which was not far from the truth. When that conversation ended, John and Alan connected Wanda back to the pizza parlor, a crisis hotline and finally back to her professor Burns. "Hello," said the professor. "Hello," said Wanda. "Adams, what is it now?" "Professor Burns--" "Wanda, I have not had time to grade your thesis, so you needn't call me." "But I didn't call you. My phone rang. Something crazy is going on." "Get some sleep, Adams." "Professor, I didn't call you." "Okay. Good-Bye." Finally Wanda was connected back to the phone company. In the midst of that conversation, though, Alan let go a burst of laughter which in an instant identifed him to his target. "Alan!" Wanda screamed. The pranksters fled to their rooms. (They were working out of the student newspaper office.) Five minutes later, John recieved a call. It was Alan. "John," came the plantive whisper. "Alan?" "Yes." "Why are you whispering?" "I'm in my closet." "Why?" "Because Wanda is outside my room pounding on the door and won't stop." "Oh," said John. "Well, you can do one of two things. One, tell her it's part of a psychology experiment on stress. Two, tell her the truth." Alan ended up lying. Wanda never spoke to him for the rest of the semester. John told the truth and was forgiven--or partly forgiven. Another Tap ----------- So, you have an enemy who talks behind your back, eh? Or, maybe you just would like to "listen" in on your friend's conversations? Well, if you have 2 phone lines and call waiting on one of them, you are in luck. (Only one problem: your friend must also have call waiting!) Procedure: [1] Call up your friend with the phone you want to listen with. When he answers call waiting (he's already on the phone, and you are the 2nd caller), then you either sit there or say: sorry, I have the wrong #. [2] Next, you wait until he goes back to the other line (puts you on hold). [3] Then, pick up your other line and call ->YOUR<- call waiting. [4] Answer call waiting [5] Then go back to him. (Answer, and then click back.. Click ->2<- times Answer, and go back..) [6] Hang up your second line [7] You are now on the line! [8] Listen and be Q U I E T ! He can hear you! Techniques I use to prevent noise or confusion: If you have call forwarding, turn it on and forward calls somewhere before you start listening. If a call comes through on your call waiting circuit, the people talking (your buddie and his pal) will not hear anything, but after you answer call waiting and come back, they will hear the other call hang up (two clicks). If you don't have call forwarding, I suggest you get it if you are going to make a habit of this, because it will become a major pain in the ass. When your call waiting rings, you are removed from the "listening" conversation and placed back on his hold circuit. In order to get back on, you must answer the phone and wait for your party (when you answer the phone, tell the guy you are in a hurry and you have to go or you'll call him back later or something) to hang up. When he or she hangs up, you will be back on the conversation. Then, one of your pals will say: What was that? (because of the clicks).. So, try to use call forwarding if you can. Remember: Have fun, and don't abuse it. I am not sure about it, because I just discovered it. It is illegal (what isn't these days) because it is "invading privacy". I don't know if the phone company just did not realize there was a flaw in it, or that was planned for line testing, I am not sure. Have fun! Practical Joke Pentathalon -------------------------- A group of Boston pranksters included five different pranks in this one stunt practiced against one of the perpetrators' roommates during her freshman year. As Cyndi Lauper would say, "Girls just want to have fun." The ingredients for this prank were: A large piece of plastic Copious amounts of Jell-O Marshmallow Fluff A hideously ugly, hairy mask Scotch tape About ten pennies. While Lynn peacefully slept, her roommate Donna quietly left the room. Waiting outside were her fellow "floor mates" with the tools and accessories. First, one person quietly entered the room and turned the main electrical switch in the closet off--effectively cutting off all power in the room. The cord connecting the handset to the rest of the phone was removed, and the dial tone button was taped down. Marshmallow Fluff was smeared on the mouth-piece and earpiece. Out in the hallway, a pile of Jell-O was dumped on the plastic and dragged quietly into the room and placed by the target's bed. Next, one of the collaborators donned the ugly mask and slipped into the bed Donna had vacated, while the others stood outside the door and "pennied" the two inside the room. (As old as short-sheeting a bed, "pennying a room" involves squeezing pennies between a door and it's frame. By creating enough pressure, the door cannot be opened from the inside.) The prank was then set in motion. From next door, one of the team called Lynn's room, while the others listened outside. The phone rang. Lynn got up to answer it--stepping into the warm, slimy, slippery Jell-O . . . screamed . . . went to answer the phone . . . picked up the phone, smearing her face with marshmallow fluff . . . the phone continued to ring, since the dial tone button was taped down . . . Cursing, Lynn went to the wall and turned on the light switch . . . the room remained dark . . . she called her roommate to get some help . . . no responce . . . leaning over her roommate's bed she hollered . . . but, alas, rising from the bed was the hideous masked face, reflected in the dorm-room window . . . With a shriek Lynn bolted to the door, which wouldn't open . . . more shrieking and hollering . . . until the masked monster removed her disguise and asked, "Was it somthing I said?" More Shaving Cream ------------------ You are the victim of a cheap, unprovoked practical joke. Moments ago you were a law-abiding citizen with a respect for other persons and the law. But now you want swift revenge. But your tormentor is hiding behind a sturdy locked door. There is little you can do at the moment unless there is a small gap between the bottom of his door and the floor. Well, no problem. Simply take a large manilla envelope and fill it with shaving cream. Place the open end of the envelope under the door. Jump on the envelope near it's end, and you will propel a steady stream of foam across your enemy's room. If this irritating person is laughing him or herself to sleep, you may wish to substitute whipped cream or topping, which, unlike shaving cream, will start to turn rancid by morning! Stool Pigeon ------------ An editor for a publishing company has set the tone for his department using this prank as an introduction to new employees. Our editor Jim approached a young man the first day he arrived at the company and said, "Hello, I'm Ted johnston from personnel. Glad to have you here. Sorry to have missed you earlier at your first personnel meeting. Welcome to (NAME OF COMPANY). I don't know if anyone's told you, but you will be getting a company physical--a full once over--and we'll need some stool samples as a preliminary today to rush over to the lab so that they can schedule your appointment. So I'll leave these paper cups with you and this paper bag. When you're finished, take the samples down to the personnel office and put then on Mrs. Peacock's (the personnel manager) desk when you're ready." Jim swears this has worked. Generic Title ------------- For someone u hate...Take a ciggarette lighter and put it under the handle of his car door for about 5 min, then hide around a corner and wait for a minute, until he comes, listen, when you hear the LOUD "SHIT!!" it worked! The Come-Home-to-No-Home Trick ------------------------------ Do I exist???? One of the lesser-known but classic practical jokes is the room-vanishing act. While at college, Fred decided to spend the weekend visiting his girlfriend at a school in the next state. That saturday his neighors in the dorm obtained a key to his room and removed the door from it's hinges. Plaster-board was put in it's place, the edges were sealed with putty and the entire wall in the hallway was given a fresh coat of paint. Any trace of a room having been there had vanished. When Fred returned he spent hours walking up and down the hall wondering what had happened to his room. The effect of this elaborate but remarkable prank is disorienting, especially if played on philosophy students who, after going from floor to floor trying to figure out where exactly they are, will ask themselves, "Do I really exist????" A Tight Squeeze --------------- Owners of Volkswagens and other small cars have often found themselves able to squeeze into parking spaces owners of larger cars cannot. This ability is tested, however, when the small car is parked in a lot with a car on each side.